Sand and Glitter

One mom's understanding of childhood development

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The Rainbow Boat by Hélène Ferreira

Jun 15, 2021 by Hélène Serfontein Leave a Comment

One night we lay in bed in the dark during loadshedding. With limited light and no TV, we were telling stories we had made up. The Rainbow Boat was my story.

South Africans understand what this means. For the rest of you: loadshedding is when the power is off. Areas of the country take turns to have their electricity switched off according to a national schedule. Yes, we live in strange and interesting times. Our childrens’ reality keep changing and we are their anchor. So there in the dark, with the telling of The Rainbow Boat, we were having a flight of fantasy. And with this, my aspiration of writing a children’s book became a reality.

The Story: The Rainbow Boat is an inclusive, fun-filled fantasy adventure. This is a picture book for early readers. The crew of girls in this little boat encounter an island of boys, where they learn to make friends and get along happily.  Three boys join the crew in search of adventure. They sail from island to mythical island, enjoying great quests! In travel, as in life, sometimes danger can lurk in new places. Together, these intrepid children explore and face their challenges. They discover unexplored islands and meet interesting people. They learn little lessons and earn their stripes on the way to finding their happy place.

The Rainbow Boat is written in rhyme, like a song. My hope is that this book may help instill kindness, love, harmony and equality as everyday ordinary life. The Rainbow Boat is the first book in The Blanket Tree Books series.

May The Rainbow Boat light up the darkness as it did for us.

Follow the journey on Instagram here.

The Rainbow Boat, written by Hélène Ferreira is available in South African bookstores.

Print books also available online in South Africa from:
Loot
Takealot
Print books are internationally available from:
Amazon Kindle
Ebooks are available from:
Smashwords 

Barnes & Noble 
FNAC France

Reviews

A pet for my child: Why caving in is good

Apr 3, 2016 by Hélène Serfontein Leave a Comment

When our children wanted a dog we had to think about it long and hard. We know. It’s a job. They wore us down and we started researching breeds. We did not do a good job in our research and ended up with a Beagle.

This first pet of ours was a force of nature. He demanded 200% from all of us and we just couldn’t keep up. He had the biting force of a hyena – determinedly chewing his way through the irrigation system as a result of our non-performance. He assaulted guests with a gusto: Taking running leaps at them reclining with drinks on the couch. Barking and jumping at small children – showing them who’s boss. Digging up great big dinosaur bones and building rubble in the back yard whilst tunneling to China. Attacking offending new plants. And loyal to a fault. The cleaning lady was his absolute favourite. She was greeted with great romping enthusiasm, jumping and scratching at her; and her ever smiling, loving him patiently – being made to feel so welcome.

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We tried and tried and tried. The dog went on very many outings. An 8 metre long lead was used. We employed various disciplinary techniques with painstaking consistency. Dog whisperers got involved. Still we failed. So we started preparing the children. Long conversations about the dog’s happiness and our sanity ensued. Bargains were struck. We were all finally prepared mentally and found him a new home; complete with another Beagle friend. And owners dedicating focused and disciplined attention to him. People who could appreciate our lovely little dog fully, because they could meet his needs.

The second time around each child chose their perfect pet. A tiny little handbag puppy whose feet hardly ever touch the ground. And a gentle, lively little rescue. A quick learner who gives so much affection.

Oh the things we learnt from these pets of ours.
We learnt that a friend can become your boss if you don’t assert yourself.
We learnt that affection breeds affection. The more love goes around, the more love there is for everyone.
We learnt to put another’s needs before our own.
We learnt about training: Giving instruction and taking responsibility is a great confidence booster.
We learnt that stroking a pet can soothe the most anxious mind.
We learnt about slog. Picking up poop and puke is disgusting. It is not all hugs and roses.
We learnt about the joy of constant companionship. From a being who never judges. Who always forgives. Who is joyful in abundance.

So go ahead. Give in. A word of caution, though: Choose responsibly. The wrong pet…oi.

The princess and the pea

Mar 20, 2016 by Hélène Serfontein Leave a Comment

I grew up with a number of sensory quirks, which seemed to run in the extended family. These goings on were duly noted and mostly disregarded. I recognise similar traits in my little daughter. Quite the sensory circus over at our house sometimes.

These sensory traits meant that having my hair combed was screaming agony. It meant waiting outside the house when my brothers were eating stinky fish in the kitchen. It meant bearing the discomfort of scratchy seams of clothing that felt like it had a wooden sticks sewn into the sides. It meant gagging from smells and refusing to go into places because of it.

Some of you will understand. The people who have to smooth down the creases in the fitted sheet in order to sleep know what I’m talking about. The ones who wake up in the dead of night from clocks ticking or blinds rattling in the wind. I get how the princess could not sleep with a pea under the mattresses. Honestly. Who could sleep in those conditions?

Without the proper sensory filters too much input comes through. Or: The body and brain does not know how to tone down sensory input or integrate it properly. This has huge emotional impact. Imagine walking through a minefield of sensory input. Any step can create an explosion of overwhelming sensation. Emotional volatility is bound to ensue. Anxiety is a given. Irrational fears are not uncommon. Food of course, is a big issue. Smelly things? No way. Funny textures? Keep away.

Today these things are classified on the continuum of sensory processing. On the one end are the people who get freaked out by sensory input. Overstimulated and affected. Where everything is too much: Too loud, too smelly, too heavy a pressure, too bright. On the other end are the people craving sensory input. The sensory seekers who need more input than is the norm, to make sense of their environment. On this end of the continuum there are also the people who seem more oblivious to sensory input. Visual neglect and other sensory neglect sometimes go together (where one sense can be therapeutically used to wake up the others). These people are more shut off from their environment, and often become ‘locked in’ emotionally. In the middle of the continuum is the happy medium where sensory input is accurately perceived and properly interpreted. Here the sensory feedback correctly guides motor planning, movement and emotional responses.

Depending on a myriad of things, sensory processing issues can become less intense eventually. Sensory input can become better integrated. Sensory sensitivities and the need for more sensory input can become better modulated. How? What is helpful?

S&G-Vestibular
Vestibular input. The vestibular system provides sensory feedback about a child’s head in space. It is vital for postural control. Insecure postural control causes so much anxiety. When the body can’t orient itself properly with changes in position – chaos may ensue.

Core muscle control. A stable core provides a stable background for movement. A strong core ensures grounded, strong, purposeful movements. Read more here.

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Proper proprioceptive feedback. This is the body’s sense of position and movement. Movements can be executed with the correct amount of force/effort when you have a good sense of where your joints are. These first three aspects are great confidence builders. When your body responds the way it should, or the way you want it to… just wow.

Primitive reflex inhibition. With a retained Fear Paralysis Reflex, children are overly sensitive to sensory stimuli. The Moro Reflex over-stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, causing continuous fight or flight response. Read more here.

Tactile stimulation helps infants to integrate sensory experiences. It stimulates healthy proprioceptive feedback. Read more here.

Down regulation of emotional states. Story time, calming music, sensory water or sand play, deep breathing, yoga and mindfulness helps to calm and soothe.

Magnesium supplementation. Magnesium deficiency causes hyperirritability. Deficiency can mimic stimming behaviours in children. Stimming is viewed as a protective response to sensory overload, or too much stimuli. Never supplement without consulting your healthcare practitioner.

Rhythmic Movement Therapy (RMT) for integrating the emotional brain (which is so connected with smells) and prefrontal cortex (conscious reasoning). RMT helps inhibit primitive reflexes and helps to establish conscious control over emotional reactions to stimuli, by establishing brain connections.

Massage over the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is meant to bring balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. To override anxiety so to speak. This nerve is connected with vision, speech, heart rate, stomach, bowel functioning and more.

Attachment parenting. Having a calm dependable primary carer to help make sense of sensory turmoil. Lots of loving support, hugs and touch. Hold your child’s hand every time they need it. They will decide when they are ready to let go.

Olfactory stimulation. Smells have powerful sensory and emotional connotations. Smells can reawaken the senses in children with sensory neglect. Essential oils are very useful.

Limit screen time. Enough said.

 

Sand & Glitter would like to thank Caitlin Truman-Baker from ctbdesign for this truly inspired blog post cover image.


WITH THANKS FOR INTERESTING LINKS

What does the Vagus Nerve do?

Massage technique for Vagus Nerve

The power of smell

How smells affect the senses and a host of other cognitive processes

 

Household chores and pocket money

Dec 12, 2015 by Hélène Serfontein 2 Comments

Here’s a secret that no one ever tells you: Small children love to help around the house. They love the recognition it brings and gives them a huge sense of accomplishment. ‘I am important in the house.’

Kids are able to do quite a lot of small jobs. It is a lovely workout for little bodies and improves the dexterity of little hands, while mom actually gets some housework done. With help. Loading laundry from the washing basket into the machine is a great job for little ones. Lots of bending and lifting. Helps children build upper body strength while mom loads the dishwasher or gets breakfast ready.

Cleaning up their own spills. Yes, even at age two they are big enough. Sounds terrible, but try it. It goes over fairly well and they learn where the cloths are. Remember Karate Kid? All that wiping – “Wax on, wax off” – is really good shoulder strengthening in preparation for entering the fray.

Tidying their rooms. This is a very relevant chore. “It is TV time, yes, but please tidy your room first.” See how it gets done in record time.

Depending on their size and age, children can help in a lot of ways:
Making the bed
Setting the table
Sweeping the floor
Vacuuming – kids love it!
Hanging clothes on the line – excellent finger exercise
Help with baking
Making cereal and other easy snacks or meals
Feeding the pets
Pruning (with their own little scissors) and weeding in the garden
Watering plants

If the children are hanging around bored while you have things to do, work out which parts of the job they can manage. They will either help or it will inspire them to think of something to play.

The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, explains how acts of service is one way of expressing love. If this is your child’s love language, they will adore you for needing and asking their help. Be sure to return the love in tangible ways. Happy mom, happy child.

Introducing pocket money into the chore system is helpful in many ways:
1) Children learn that hard work gets rewarded.
2) Teaching children to save breeds adults with better financial planning skills. Buy a piggy bank and teach them to value it.
3) Choosing how to spend the money: How much does that thing cost? Can I have both of these? How much more do I need? This teaches children to prioritize their wants according to their means.
4) Teaching kids the value of money. With one unit of money (rand/dollar/euro/pound) I can buy this much. Lovely and helpful for math skills too.
5) Weekly pocket money is a gentle reminder that children need to do some odd jobs now and again. Parents can refer to the actual earning of the pocket money when no one feels like helping.
6) Rehashing exactly all the ways in which they helped during the week and earned their money when it gets paid, gives children wonderful recognition. They love the fact that you saw all their hard work and really appreciate it.

The ING International survey shows that children who receive pocket money are more likely to develop stronger financial planning skills in later life.

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