Sand and Glitter

One mom's understanding of childhood development

A pet for my child: Why caving in is good

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When our children wanted a dog we had to think about it long and hard. We know. It’s a job. They wore us down and we started researching breeds. We did not do a good job in our research and ended up with a Beagle.

This first pet of ours was a force of nature. He demanded 200% from all of us and we just couldn’t keep up. He had the biting force of a hyena – determinedly chewing his way through the irrigation system as a result of our non-performance. He assaulted guests with a gusto: Taking running leaps at them reclining with drinks on the couch. Barking and jumping at small children – showing them who’s boss. Digging up great big dinosaur bones and building rubble in the back yard whilst tunneling to China. Attacking offending new plants. And loyal to a fault. The cleaning lady was his absolute favourite. She was greeted with great romping enthusiasm, jumping and scratching at her; and her ever smiling, loving him patiently – being made to feel so welcome.

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We tried and tried and tried. The dog went on very many outings. An 8 metre long lead was used. We employed various disciplinary techniques with painstaking consistency. Dog whisperers got involved. Still we failed. So we started preparing the children. Long conversations about the dog’s happiness and our sanity ensued. Bargains were struck. We were all finally prepared mentally and found him a new home; complete with another Beagle friend. And owners dedicating focused and disciplined attention to him. People who could appreciate our lovely little dog fully, because they could meet his needs.

The second time around each child chose their perfect pet. A tiny little handbag puppy whose feet hardly ever touch the ground. And a gentle, lively little rescue. A quick learner who gives so much affection.

Oh the things we learnt from these pets of ours.
We learnt that a friend can become your boss if you don’t assert yourself.
We learnt that affection breeds affection. The more love goes around, the more love there is for everyone.
We learnt to put another’s needs before our own.
We learnt about training: Giving instruction and taking responsibility is a great confidence booster.
We learnt that stroking a pet can soothe the most anxious mind.
We learnt about slog. Picking up poop and puke is disgusting. It is not all hugs and roses.
We learnt about the joy of constant companionship. From a being who never judges. Who always forgives. Who is joyful in abundance.

So go ahead. Give in. A word of caution, though: Choose responsibly. The wrong pet…oi.

Household chores and pocket money

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Here’s a secret that no one ever tells you: Small children love to help around the house. They love the recognition it brings and gives them a huge sense of accomplishment. ‘I am important in the house.’

Kids are able to do quite a lot of small jobs. It is a lovely workout for little bodies and improves the dexterity of little hands, while mom actually gets some housework done. With help. Loading laundry from the washing basket into the machine is a great job for little ones. Lots of bending and lifting. Helps children build upper body strength while mom loads the dishwasher or gets breakfast ready.

Cleaning up their own spills. Yes, even at age two they are big enough. Sounds terrible, but try it. It goes over fairly well and they learn where the cloths are. Remember Karate Kid? All that wiping – “Wax on, wax off” – is really good shoulder strengthening in preparation for entering the fray.

Tidying their rooms. This is a very relevant chore. “It is TV time, yes, but please tidy your room first.” See how it gets done in record time.

Depending on their size and age, children can help in a lot of ways:
Making the bed
Setting the table
Sweeping the floor
Vacuuming – kids love it!
Hanging clothes on the line – excellent finger exercise
Help with baking
Making cereal and other easy snacks or meals
Feeding the pets
Pruning (with their own little scissors) and weeding in the garden
Watering plants

If the children are hanging around bored while you have things to do, work out which parts of the job they can manage. They will either help or it will inspire them to think of something to play.

The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, explains how acts of service is one way of expressing love. If this is your child’s love language, they will adore you for needing and asking their help. Be sure to return the love in tangible ways. Happy mom, happy child.

Introducing pocket money into the chore system is helpful in many ways:
1) Children learn that hard work gets rewarded.
2) Teaching children to save breeds adults with better financial planning skills. Buy a piggy bank and teach them to value it.
3) Choosing how to spend the money: How much does that thing cost? Can I have both of these? How much more do I need? This teaches children to prioritize their wants according to their means.
4) Teaching kids the value of money. With one unit of money (rand/dollar/euro/pound) I can buy this much. Lovely and helpful for math skills too.
5) Weekly pocket money is a gentle reminder that children need to do some odd jobs now and again. Parents can refer to the actual earning of the pocket money when no one feels like helping.
6) Rehashing exactly all the ways in which they helped during the week and earned their money when it gets paid, gives children wonderful recognition. They love the fact that you saw all their hard work and really appreciate it.

The ING International survey shows that children who receive pocket money are more likely to develop stronger financial planning skills in later life.

Sitting pretty: Why is cross-legged sitting important for children?

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Growing up we sat cross-legged in school fairly often. The lower grades had carpets in the classrooms. We would sit there listening to the teacher read, or explain certain concepts. There wasn’t even a question: We all sat cross-legged. We sat like that through assembly in the school quad. We sat like that for morning prayers in the school hall. This was what we did, not realizing the benefits.

For children, cross-legged sitting has core musculature benefits. Moving your trunk over your hips can activate core muscles, giving children greater postural stability. Sitting on the floor while building puzzles or Lego requires a healthy amount of trunk rotation and crossing the midline. As we all know, crossing the midline is a very important developmental skill, so any position that will encourage that is helpful.

Maintaining a cross-legged sitting position requires various elements of movement. The hip joints must have adequate outwards rotation movement range. A greater range of outwards hip rotation will lessen potential stress on the sacro-iliac joints of the pelvis. Sitting cross-legged, the pelvis needs to go into a degree of posterior tilt. This is a helpful lumbar spine stretch position, especially for kids with very low tone in their abdominal muscles. They automatically default into an anterior pelvis tilt in standing (with very arched back locally in low back). The tummy muscles need to work to maintain the upright position, as do the back muscles. This muscle conditioning helps maintain better posture in standing. The primitive ATNR reflex needs to be mostly integrated to remain symmetrical in the position. (More on retained primitive reflexes to follow).

In yoga this seated pose is called Sukhasana. This pose helps to calm the mind, improve flexibility of ankles, knees and hips and to strengthen the back.
The Ayurvedic belief is that it also aids digestion by triggering the signals to your brain from the stomach in preparation for food intake. Sitting cross-legged whilst eating will then help blood flow from the heart to the stomach and abdominal organs, as opposed to the legs – as happens while sitting in a chair.

There is a school of thought in America that sitting on the floor in classrooms is harmful for children. That it puts undue strain on their necks to look up from this position. Joint strain is true for all passive, prolonged, stationary sitting positions. But being active and doing things on the floor in a sitting position is a different challenge.

As children’s lifestyles slowly start to mimic adult lifestyles more and more, how much time are children actually spending on the floor? Sitting at a table on a chair is not a very dynamic sitting position. It requires minimal work and very little joint flexibility. In Europe schools are starting to utilize standing desks, where pupils stand upright for tuition.

Small children should spend a little time doing cross-legged sitting activities on the floor every day.

MORE INFO – STANDING DESKS IN CLASSROOMS